When I try to make my sense of superiority go away, I suffer. I suffer because I am rejecting the young one behind that sense of superiority, who feels deficient and small. What that young one needs, is acceptance and presence. When I try to get rid of my envy towards my old classmates when I see them doing better professionally than me, I suffer. I suffer because I am rejecting the young one in me that feels a lack of value, and received the message again and again that I can only be of value when I accomplish great external things. When I deny my rage, I suffer. I suffer because I am rejecting the infant in me who did not get what he needed at a certain time, but what that infant needs now is full presence and love. When I reject my hidden racism or my hidden homophobia or any form of hatred towards others, I suffer. I suffer because I am rejecting the young confused parts in me that somehow got the message that different was scary and should not be accepted, but is only by allowing and understanding those dificult feelings and by feeling compassion for the young confused one in me, that those internalized hateful messages will dissolve.
I cannot change anything in me by rejecting it. I can only witness it until it transforms on its own.
What would it be like to accept myself unconditionally, my joy, my sorrow, my narcissism, my simplicity, my envy, my joy for the goodness of others, my competitiveness, my fairness, my shame, my self love, my rage, my peace, my young parts, my adult parts, the parts of me that I don’t even want to see because of shame, and my joyful and open parts? What would it be to fully allow my experience to unfold without interfering, without an agenda or an idea of what it should be? What would it be like to open myself completely to the mystery and trust that the movement towards wholeness is inherent in all including me? What would it be if instead of trying to improve myself, or change any part that I believe should not be there, I just allowed my being to rest in all of its glory?
May I simply be; May I not interfere; May I trust in the innate intelligence of my being. May I forgive myself for the constant self-betrayal I have engaged, in order to get acceptance from others; may I forgive myself for the constant self-betrayal I have engaged by trying to become someone. May I forgive myself for the self-rejection that I have engaged in the past. May I have strength, steadfastness, clarity, joy and compassion to support my staying with experience no matter what it is.